why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize