Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Every concussion has its silver lining
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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