so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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