I want to stick my p in your. b.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
