So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
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You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
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Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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