I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
