Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
