I can't watch pbs sober anymore
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
