you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
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I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
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Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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