I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
