how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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