It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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