Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
