you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
