I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
