You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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