Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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