Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
