Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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