Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(850): View more from Florida

The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.

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(989): View more from Michigan

I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"

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(856): View more from New Jersey

I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent

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(307): View more from Wyoming

We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy

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(210): View more from Texas

If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.

(201): View more from New Jersey

Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?

(609): View more from New Jersey

THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!

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(630): View more from Illinois

true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.

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