arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
