so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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