I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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