Dual....:-)
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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