debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
