i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
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Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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