i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
