I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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