I puked a lego.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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