I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Randomize
