If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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