1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
