wakey wakey hands off snakey
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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