Sry I called you an 8
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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