so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
third nipple confirmed
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
