Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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