weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
