I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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