so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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