My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
