My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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