i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
