So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
