So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
