Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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