Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
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Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
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I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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