There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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