I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
