I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
