just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
