and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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