things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
