I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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