Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
