Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The beer is more important than you right now.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
