I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
