If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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