My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
