If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
