my text book just quoted the cookie monster
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
