Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I woke up under a house in Key West
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