There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
