I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
