my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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