dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
is wine microwaveable?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I am naked and annoyed.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
