I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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