he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
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