You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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